Hey, No question is too stupid when it comes to Marriage, Dating or Modesty! Girl's Only Random Wed. Nov. 30th

It was girl's night in random this week.  We had some great questions and great discussion.  We talked about so much, so I will try to keep it short by doing a question and answer format. These were all really huge topics as you will see.....
(Hey and just for fun I will throw some old pictures in of me and PJ.  Don't laugh to hard)
Marriage & Divorce

Why is marriage important to God? 

God created marriage for us so that we would not be alone.  God is good and all He creates is good....so marriage the way God intended is good.  Marriage is also suppose to be the picture of Christ relationship with the church.  Whoa, that is a big DEAL!  Pastor John and My marriage is suppose to show you all how Christ is with His church.  That is HUGE...so we better not mess it up by lying to each other, cheating, hurting each other or divorcing.  Marriage is very important to God it is promise to each other and to Him.

Ephesians 5 :21-33 is a great picture of marriage.  Genesis 1:27; 2:18,22,23,Matthew 19:4,5, Malachi 2:14

Why is divorce such a big deal to a Christian? 

Well, when you read why marriage is so important, I think we get the idea of why it is so important to do our best to make our marriages work and to not enter into a marriage so lightly.  For a Christian Christ is at the very center of our marriages.  Hebrews 13:4, Mark 10:1-10, Malachi 2:14-16:

How can I avoid getting divorced?

I could go on and on about divorce; but, I would rather just tell you how to avoid it.  The best way to avoid divorce is to be so in love with Jesus and have a relationship with Him.  He will guide you to the right person who will love Christ just as much as you do.  When your marriage is built on Christ and divorce is not an option then God can do something amazing.  Now, rough times come and you will always need help in your marriage because none of us are perfect.  Keep Christ first! 

Disclaimer:  Now people can choose to walk away from the Lord and not live for Him at any time.  God would never want you or your children to be in physical danger always keep that in mind.  God does give some provisions for divorce. Matthew 5:32

Dating
When should I date? 
Remember Pastor Christina's rules??? 
#1 Only when you are 30.  #2. When you go on your first date you must eat a whole bag of Funyuns! 

Seriously,  find out what your parents rules are on dating and obey those!  My recommendation is to wait as long as possible...even after high school.  Wow, that is Crazy Pastor Christina!!!!  If we were all honest, we would all say that dating is a lot of drama for even the most mature of people.  Jr. High and High should just be fun with no pressures and no heart ache.  It is totally okay to like people...God put those desires in us.  But our hearts should be kept for the one we marry. 

How far is too far? 
I can some this up in one line....."If you don't got it.....don't touch it!"   I am also going to add or see it!!!!!    Hahahaha I love that line, it is awesome and a great guideline.  Before you start dating(when you are 30 tehehehee) set up some rules for your self, let them know your rules and then never break those rules.  You will be proud of yourself and you will help yourself remain pure.   You will also relieve yourself of a lot of pressure when you are dating.  You know what to expect and they know what to expect.  As a Christian we also believe that sex is only for marriage.  So, I hope you all understand that Pastor Christina is telling you to save sex for the one you marry on your wedding day, it should not even be a part dating.  But, I do realize how hard it is to not feel tempted to have sex before marriage and I do realize that there is a lot of pressure to do it so (Romans 6:13)............

Tips on helping not to go too far in dating:

• avoid being completely alone in a car, house where ever.
• if you would feel uncomfortable doing something in front of your parents, you probably should avoid it.
• have your parents keep you accountable for curfews, not letting you be alone with them etc. I know it is crazy to talk to your parents about this stuff ...but you will be glad you did!
• Never, ever, ever hang out in each others bedroom...it is just not a good idea!

Disclaimer: You must always obey your parents and their rules for dating.

Lastly, Nobody has the right to pressure you to do anything you do not want to do.  You do not have to do anything to "prove your love" to anybody.  And NOBODY has the right to hit you, slap you or force anything on you ....EVER!  You are God's creation and you deserve far more than to ever be treated like that.  If you are in an abusive relationship....get out, get help.  If you can't tell your parents, come talk to Pastor John, Joe, Angie, Kristina or me and we will do everything in our power to help you get safe and be safe. 

Modesty

Why is modesty important?  Well, we have established in the previous questions that our bodies are for the one we marry not for everybody else.  Modesty is all about remaining pure and not causing others to stumble.  We need to honor God with our bodies and help others honor God with their thoughts. 

What are some things I can do to help me be modest?

Being modest doesn't mean you have to look dorky.  I challenge you to find great clothes that are really cute while keeping it modest.  You can do it, have fun and look great!  I have learned some really great tips in helping myself be modest here they are....

1. Length of skirts and shorts should go past the tips of your fingers when your arms are down at your sides.
2. If you bend over and touch your toes no one should be able to see your back end...under your skirt or above your pants.
3. When sitting and wearing a skirt keep your knees together.
4. Shirts and tops should be loose and not too form fitting.  Also makes sure that they are not too thin or see through.  Layering always works really great to avoid these things.
5. Tops should also not have a plunging neckline.  Let's try to avoid letting people seeing down our shirts to our belly buttons.  Pick tops that have a higher cut neck line or use your fist to help you make sure it is not to low.   What, use my fist???  Make a fist with your hand....go ahead make a fist.   Put your fist up to the base of your neck.  Your shirt should not go lower than your fist.  Got it??? Great!
6. I also place my hand on my neckline when I have to pick things up.   Even the greatest of shirts still can be seen down when you bend over. 
7. My philosophy on underwear...wear it but don't show it!  If a guy sees that you have a pink bra on.....that will all he will think about when he is talking to you. 
8. When in doubt....ask Pastor Christina or your dad.   Dads are really good at making sure you don't go out of the house immodest.  Moms may think. "You look so cute!"  Dads will think, "No, boy is going to look at MY daughter wearing that....go change your clothes young lady!"  Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha  got to love our dads; they really are looking out for you!

Disclaimer: You must always obey your parents and their rules for modesty.

Do you have any great modesty tips?  Leave them in the comments below!!!!!  Check out http://www.purefreedom.org/ for a great rescource on modesty!

One of my favorite verses:

I Peter 3

 ³ Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. ⁴ You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaah, I write too much; but I can't leave any of  it out.  Girls, I hope our conversations last night helped you all become the women you want to be.  Remember, God has a plan for you and wants to do amazing things in you!

Jer 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Always GET JOY!

Pastor Christina

Do Difficult Things (junior high) 11/9/2011

Confronting Mom or Dad:

Last week we talked about Matthew 18 and the way it applies to our relationships and conflicts.  This week we talked about the same principles in a much deeper and greater consequence.  What if mom or dad is doing something that the other doesn't know about?  What if they are involved in something that could potentially cause divorce?  Do you tell the other parent?  What do you do?  First off, this is a situation that I pray no student ever finds themself in.  Unfortunately this will happen to some in the world we live in.  The advice on this conflict is still the same.  Follow the principles of Matthew 18.  You go to the one who has committed the offense privately and confront in a loving and honest way.  In other words if mom is doing something she aught not do, you go and tell her she needs to come clean with dad and stop it.  If she does the right thing that is the end of it from the confrontation side and hopefully the beginning of a healing that needs to take place.  However in that conversation with mom you let her know that if she doesn't tell dad in a certain amount of time that you are going to let him know what's going on.  This has to be one of the worst things a student could ever have to do, but it's the right thing to do.  Hopefully the difficult confrontation will lead to your parents talking things out and working through it and not just ending things.  However, know this one thing:  If the outcome is bad, it is NEVER your fault for confronting.  However, if the outcome is good, you can take some credit for intervening in a godly way and doing the right thing even though it was difficult.  Side not on this one.  If the confrontation is too big for you and too difficult to do on your own.  This is a serious matter that needs to be done.  You could talk to your pastor or youth pastor about it and they could help you with it.  I don't believe that would be going outside the bounds of scripture if you need someone to help you do the right thing.  If you don't have a youth pastor and need help with something like this send me a message in the contact form on this blog.  Be sure to include your email so I can get back to you on it.  As always make it a matter of prayer before anything else.  Prayer is our biggest weapon in times like this.

Divorce:

Then we dealt with a question that was emailed.  Is it ok to get a divorce if you just fall out of love with someone?  To answer this question we first have to look at what love is.  More importantly what part of speech is love.  I know if you look it up you'll find that it's a noun and a verb.  For our discussion here we are dealing with the verb form.  Love isn't some funny feeling that you get when you're around a hot guy or girl.  It's not chills that run up and down your spine.  It's not butterflies in your stomach.  Love is a verb.  It's an action word.  It is a choice that we make.  The Bible never commands us to marry the one you love.  It tells us to love the one you marry (Eph 5:25-30).  Based on that alone I answer this question with a resounding NO!  God created marriage to be for life.  You can't just decide one day that you don't love your spouse.  If you do, you are making a conscious choice to disobey God.  You can't fall out of love.  However, you can decide to love your spouse.  Put your effort into that and you'll be surprised what God will do.

Friends and Bullies:

Finally we wrapped up with a discussion about friends and bullies.  What do I do if my friend stands by and does nothing when I'm bullied?  What do I do if I see my friend being bullied?  Unfortunately in the first case you really can't do much of anything.  You could ask your friend why they don't stick up for you, but you really can't make them.  They could be in fear of being bullied themself.  Or maybe they just don't like confrontation or don't want to rock the boat.  There could be numerous reasons why they don't speak up.  You just have to tough it out through that one.  However, if you are the friend watching on the sidelines, you have a responsibility to act.  Do something to defend your friend.  Maybe not physically fight, but speak up.  Help in some way.  Jesus was the ultimate example of a friend.  He gave up His life in order to save us.  That is the biggest thing you can do as a friend (Jn 15:13).  To stand by and do nothing is wrong.  The Bible says that when we know of something good to do and choose not to do it then that is sin (James 4:17).

In all three of these situations we talked about very difficult things to do, but they are the right things to do.  Sometimes following God isn't easy, but it is always blessed.  Follow God's will for your life today.  You'll be amazed at how He will bless you.

Friends 10/26/2012

We have done something new and are splitting the junior high and high school every other week.  The incredible thing is that tonight we had almost identical questions asked about friendships in both groups.  Maybe God is trying to tell us something.  So the question bascially dealt with a friend who doesn't like my friends.  What do I do.  We also talked about what if I don't like my friends friends.  Or what if they are a bad influence?

My Friend Doesn't Like My Other Friends.

You have the right to hang out with whoever you want to.  No one can tell you who to be friends with.  If someone is putting conditions on their friendship then they are not truly a friend.  You shouldn't change your standards just to make someone else happy.  The Bible tells us not to conform to the world (Rom 12:1-2).  You shouldn't have to change what you believe just to satisfy someone else.  If that means someone may not like your friends because they are too "churchy" well that's just their problem and not yours.  You don't need a friend who is only your friend if you do what they say.  That's never worth it.

A Friend Who is a Bad Influence.

You need to be careful when choosing the people you hang out with the most and allow to influence your life.  The Bible says that we should sharpen each other like iron sharpens iron (Pr 27:17).  We should choose friends that will help us to grow in Christ.  Does that mean we shouldn't be friends with anyone who isn't a Christian?  No, not at all.  It just means that our close friends, the ones who influence us should be those who are helping us to grow in God.  We need to be careful to not let bad company corrupt us (1 Cor 15:33).

Divorce:

Finally someone asked about a situation they are dealing with.  How do I comfort my little brother or sister when they see our parents fighting and on the road to divorce?  It's sad to say, but you don't have to look far to see a family affected by divorce these days.  For kids it's a rough road to travel.  As a group we talked and it was cool to hear some of the stories of a brother or sister who helped in a time like this.  Probably the best thing you can do is just be there to listen and let them know you love them.  Spend time with them.  Let them know they are important.  Let them know they are loved.  And never underestimate the power of prayer.  Pray for your brothers and sisters.  Pray for your parents.  God's power is big enough to save marriages.  It may not always go the way we want it to, but God can do miracles.  His love is also big enough to carry us through difficult times like this.

In all of these situations for friends, enemies, friends of friends, parents, brothers and sisters we need to be acting like Jesus.  We may be the only example of Jesus that some people ever see.  Wouldn't it be cool if a terrible situation turned into an awesome opportunity to lead someone to faith in Jesus.