What is Love 11/16/2011

Tonight's discussion got off to a slow start and then rocketed into high gear really quick.  It was all triggered by a question I got through the form on the blog.  The question was, "Is it possible to be 'in love'?"  I believe this was springboarded from last weeks discussion that brought out the idea that love is a verb, an action, a choice.  So can you be "in love"?  Then the questions started flying related to this.  How long do you date someone before you say you love them?  Does love at first sight exist?  Then someone threw out this one:  Is it possible for gay people to be in love?  To which I said, "No" and a huge discussion ensued.  I'm sure this will spark some very interesting comments.  I look forward to hearing from all who read this.

Love Defined

The critical key to answering any of these questions is to first define what love is.  We threw around some ideas that came from what we've experienced and the things we've seen or learned.  But if we are to define love we need to look to it's creator.  To do that let's look at the word of God.  Specifically 1 Corinthians 13.  The whole chapter gives a great discourse on love.  You should check it out.  For definition purposes we'll look to verses 4 - 7.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

The Test

So let's apply the test with these verses.  In the case of a gay couple or even a heterosexual couple who is living together unmarried or the teenagers who are having sex before marriage let's put them all to the test.  Could they be patient and kind to each other?  Yes it's possible they could.  Could they avoid jealousy, boasting, pride and being rude?  They could probably avoid those things.  Are they demanding their own way?  Yes they are demanding their own way.  In all three cases they are rejecting God's directives in their lives and choosing to live their own way.  Therefore they are demanding their own way.  Therefore that is not real love.  True love would never cause or allow another to continue in a relationship that is clearly living in sin.  True love would never want one to live in a relationship that would send them to hell.  They would want the greater good for the one they love.  Therefore in all of those situations it is not possible for them to really live in love with the one they are in relationship with.

I know there are many out there who would disagree with this point of view.  The problem is that we are allowing a sinful world to define love.  Love was created by God.  God is love (1 John 4:7-8).  His very nature and character defines love for us.  His word says that you can have no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend (John 15:13).  That's what Jesus did for us when He dies for our sins.  Love is not selfish.  Love would never lead another into a sinful relationship.  That's the opposite of love.  As Christians we need to speak up and stop listening to this sinful world's definition of love.  We have the truth and it's about time we got loud about it.

In Love?

That was the bulk of the conversation.  Not to leave out the original question.  Can you be in love?  What about love at first sight?  To look at these we have to remember that love is a choice.  It is an action that you choose.  It is not a feeling that comes over you.  Yes we have affection or attraction that draws our attention to an individual.  But to love someone only requires a conscious choice to do so.  I guess that would mean you can love someone at first sight.  Can you be "in love"  I would say yes you can.  It again would be something you choose to do.  It's not something you fall in and out of though.  I am madly in love with my wonderful wife.  Why am I madly in love with my wife?  She hates it when I say this, but it's for no reason.  If there was a reason attached to my love, then that would mean my love is conditional.  If I were in love because she's beautiful (which she is) then if that changed would I then not love her.  If I loved her for her intelligence or compassion or creativity (which she is amazing in all of those as well) again that would not be love because it would be conditional.  I am madly in love with my wife because I choose to be and that's all.

There is no such thing as a half-truth!

After a two month sabbatical we are back at it in r@Nd0m.  It’s good to be back.  Tonight someone asked about the difference between a half truth and the whole truth.  You know those times where technically we are telling the truth if you examined only the words we said.  But if you look at the intent and the meaning of what we are leading people to believe it might not be the real story.  So let’s dig in.

Lies:

First let’s establish why it’s wrong to tell a lie.  We’re born with an innate sense that tells us it’s wrong to lie, and yet we all do it because we’re also born with a sinful nature.  You don’t have to teach a kid how to lie.  We all deny everything from the moment we can say, “wasn’t me.”  Our parents teach us that it’s wrong to lie.  Well I hope they do.  The Bible even tells us not to do it.  Remember those stone tablets that Moses got in the book of Exodus (Chapter 20).  So are all of those the reasons that it’s wrong to lie?  NOPE!!!  The bottom line is that it goes against the very nature and character of God.  He is the way, the TRUTH and the life (Jn 14:6).  So God is truth.  To lie goes against His very nature and therefore it is sin.

Half-Truth:

What about when we technically tell the truth, but leave out a few facts so that we don’t get in trouble or don’t hurt someone?  Is that a sin?  I would say the best example of that is found in Acts 5.  Ananias and Sapphira sold some property and then brought an offering from that sale.  They kept some of it back, but wanted everyone to believe they gave it all.  The passage clearly says that they lied to the Holy Spirit in doing this and they died for their sin.  The Bible is very clear that God looks at the heart.  If you are intending to deceive then you are lying.  Even if the words you use aren’t technically a lie it’s still a lie.  There is no such thing as a half truth.  If it’s part lie then it’s all lie.  If it’s not totally truth then it’s all lie.  You can’t go half way on this one.

So what about those lies we tell to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.  All guys dread this question:  “Does this make me look fat?”  The Bible tells us to speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15).  If someone is wearing something that makes them look bad how is it loving to tell them it looks good?  Then they are going to wear that thing out in public and it will be even worse.  If we really love someone we will tell them the truth.  It may hurt for a little bit, but it will keep them from greater pain later.  So if someone has something in their teeth when you’re talking to them politely tell them.  Don’t let them walk around like that.  That’s not what a true friend does.  We should speak the truth in love.  Don’t forget that last part.  Don’t be mean about it when you’re telling the truth.  Still be loving and kind.  It’s all about truth and love because that’s what God is.  Follow that and you’ll be alright.